JULIE ANN STEVENS

I added a “pop” of color to my wardrobe this fall.

Nothin too flashy — just a tone to break the black and grey zone —

Up the contrast and say “updated” —

So I acquired “bronzed ochre” matchstick cords and a “golden cypress” cardigan — and “pop” —

Today I was branded —

“Colonel Mustard.”

This, of course, means I will never ever wear these two articles of clothing together under any circumstances again in my lifetime — or yours. 

And more than likely — I will give them away before the next full moon.

But don’t hold your breath for another glimpse of the kernel — 

It’s highly doubtful anyone holding a sign saying “homeless will work for food and diapers” would be caught dead in mustard from head to toe.

Shudder.