I see a larger invitation to embrace shadow in Advent 2020.
Though it is true "a painting is never finished," there are unmistakable moments when I immediately know the painting has reached a state where it rests in wholeness. I discern this state as active with the aliveness of a dynamic incarnational being, and quiet with the unchanging presence of the One in Whom all things hold together.
Finding God within is not about following doctrine, but allowing yourself to relate to God experientially.
I am encouraged that God used my half-hearted consent to push me down — far deeper than I wanted to go, but to the only place I could truly find and trust him.