too eager

I am obsessed.

Crouched over my own two feet.

Struggling and second guessing myself over a task a four-year-old could do.

Lacing up my running shoes. Because —

They need to be perfect.

What does this mean? How can I know?

Everyone waiting —

On me.

Ready to go? I’m not.

Feeling rushed. Flushed. Just one more time. Maybe this is it. Yeah, this is it. Cool.

Ok. There.

No —- no.

This way? There.

No. Damn.

“Wait? Please. Just a second —

“Ok. I’ll catch up. Where? Where should I meet you?”

Oh my god — I am not ready.

What was I thinking? I can’t do this —

But I want to do this. I said I would. And they’re waiting.

I don’t want to be —

Left behind.

But I can’t.

I can’t —

Get past this feeling that I should feel complete and utterly —

Ready.

Ready in some way that — well —

I’m not.

Yet.

JULIE ANN STEVENS