thankful for cellulite?

Chemistry is an amazingly spooky thing.

Especially when it comes to relationships.

Because let’s face it — if there was predictive modeling for finding two people who are on the same page, both thinking the same thing about each other and what they’d like to do next — well —

the only time it would be right would be —

when it was wrong.

Because relationship chemistry is just that — spooky. 

Consider a friend’s play by play coverage of a second date.

“We were saying good night and he said, ‘I bet you have a good body.’

‘Do you?  Do you have — a good body?’

“I said, ‘well, yes — if you like cellulite.’  I mean,” she continued, outraged, “can you believe he asked me that?”

“Oh c’mon,” I snorted, “if you thought he was hot, it’d be a whole different story.”

And we all know it would. 

Whether we think someone’s hot — or not — has everything to do with whether they get cellulite — like a crucifix thrust at a vampire — or the big green light. 

So, I must ask, what is it that makes someone hot? 

Is it what they wear?

Hmmm.  I have a personal embargo on plaid shirts — double embargo on short-sleeved plaid — and I don’t even like to think about tucking plaid.

But then again.

I’m picturing a certain man right now gracing me with his plaid — and well, he’s nothin if not — hot.

So if it’s not what they wear, maybe it’s what they do — their table manners?

I dubbed a guy “broccoli chomper” to explain to my friends why I could not possibly be interested.  And my friend nixed a guy for a slow swallow.  She even told him so.  To his face.

“Just swallow it!  I can’t believe how long you’ve been chewing that!”

But then again.

The right guy can eat a whole bloody steak without even cutting it, and he’s “cute.”

So there.

Aren’t we just wasting our breath with words like —

“Nail biter.”







— when it all comes down to just one word? 

Chemistry.  Chemistry rights a million other things you might find wrong.

Ok — maybe not Zubaz.

Author: Julie Ann Stevens

My art flows from the patterns & paths of my lived experience which ⏤ like yours ⏤ are at once deeply personal and entirely universal.

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